Monday, 24 September 2012

Porkchop 3D (2012)

Directed by Eamon Hardiman

Written by Eamon Hardiman 

Stars: Kaylee Williams, Sam Qualiana, Danny Hicks, Brian Gunnoe Missy Dawn, Rob Cobb, John Renna,  Stephen Hensley, Scott Greg, Chris woodall, Vincent Renfield, Hannah Ellis, Kennie Bass, Jake Fertig, Andy Parsons, Evan Wilson, Matt Parsons, Elle Xohmbeah, Bill Hairston, Rea Gunne, Elvis McComas, Lisa Taylor with Shawn C. Phllips as 'The Presenter' and Angela Pritchett as 'Meg' 

So less than a year after we got to see the return of the dreaded pig faced maniac in Porkchop 2: Rise of the Rind (Formally known as Porkchops) we are already being treated to his third outing in the slash happy Porkchop 3D. Eamon Hardiman has concocted an awesome way of plotting this third film in having various survivors of previous movies come together to eliminate the thing that has caused them so much misery.
Sadly for this motley crew of victims turned hunters, Porkchop is by no means alone and if you saw the second film you may be surprised to learn that the Porkchop 'family' has far more members than you were led to believe....Cue then for much pig related murder, mayhem, grue, gore and...well it is a Razor Sharp Studios production...boobs!

Now forgive me my ignorance when it comes to the 3D format because truth be told its not something I know a great deal about or have ever completely embraced. This is probably because the few films I have seen in 3D recently are only really impressive for the odd scene, such as one featuring a weapon flying toward your face etc.My (limited) understanding of a film in 3D is that you are supposed to feel like the film is actually in your living room and that my friends is where this film took me totally by surprise and, remember folks, this is an indie made with an incredibly small amount of money! Porkchop 3D actually is a true 3D experience throughout and this is coming from someone whose eyes don't like anything other than my prescribed glasses for my depressing short sightedness!

So how about the kills? It's a Porkchop film after all so..yeh...the kills are damn important! Porkchop 2: Rise of the Rind, featured one of indie horrors most triumphant 'Sleepaway Camp... Eat. Your. Fucking. Heart. Out' kills I have seen thus far, so how does the carnage measure up here? Well if I said this film features countless and relentless on screen kills would you believe me? Well it bloody well does! The guys have upped the ante in this regards big time and there's probably a nasty scene every few minutes! There are several really impressive, creative kills and some of my favourites include Pig Girls deadly lassoo act, the deaths of two unfortunate picnic-ers, a nasty tree incident and a brutal jaw rip.

As far as characters go, we have the welcome return of Kaylee Williams as previously abducted character 'Heather'. The Heather character only really served to be one of the bitchy foils to the two main characters in the previous film so it was great to see her return and really kick some arse in this one. Seems Heather has grown up a bit and she is PISSED OFF. Kaylee really steals the show in this entry and her character quite rightfully wants justice for the awful acts committed against her. Not to say Heather has completely shaken off that high school ├╝ber bitch quality...she's still mighty snarky! Definatley a standout performace. Chris Woodall also makes a welcome return as 'poor old Richie' from the original Porkchop. His hillarious wounds from that film are resurrected as it seems, baffingly, the wonders of modern medicine were unable to remove the lawn dart embedded in his head! Since I am mentioning Richie, it would be a dishonour not to mention that his previously smashed to smithereens robot buddy 'Elron' (voiced by THE Danny Hicks) also comes back for more and the comedy element of the Richie/Elron partnership is ten times more hilarious this time round. Also returning is Stephen Hensley and Lisa Taylor as Mr and Mrs Robertson. This pair truly have a painful score to settle but have they taken for granted just how deadly Porkchops stomping ground can be?? And who can leave out the amazing Brian Gunnoe as Razor Sharp Studios staple character 'Burt Fleming'? Here Burt continues his role as the excitable and lovably deranged local. The scene where he was listing all of his accomplishments was hilarious. It was also great to have Sam Qualiana return in a new role and his teaming up with Heather is really sweet and believable for those so inclined he shows some skin...just saying! Also his scene talking to the mirror trying out chat up lines? So so funny!  As far new characters are concerned...there is a plethora of deranged, oversexed, questionable and seedy folk to fall in love with...then watch them get porkchopped! As for the villians, Porky is as menacing and sadistic as ever with that hideous stitched up mask but I feel that the psychotic 'Pig Girl' (Missy Dawn) out creeps him as her own mask is just nightmare inducing. If the proposed Pig Girl spin off ever happens I AM THERE!

There is a bit of confusion what with returning characters and previously slaughtered characters playing new characters (keeping up with all the characters?) but the tongue is so clearly in cheek here; Mr Robertson: ''watch the first movie!'', that my advice would be just have fun with it!

One final thing to say is that if this movie took another year to come out just to get the score right then I would have been a happy guy if this was the outcome. The score is pure class and compliments the movie to excellent effect.

Basically if you are looking for gore and laughs then Porkchop 3D is just the ticket. You'll laugh, you'll squeal and you will probably jump behind your couch as Porkchop's chainsaw or Pig Girl's lassoo comes tearing out of your screen, 3D style. If this IS the final outing for old Porkchop then Razorsharp have gone out in a blaze of gory with a 105 minute, action packed kill-fest. Head over to the official Razorsharp Studios website to see how you can get yourself a copy of this sick flick along with all other movies in the franchise. While you are there have a look at what else is on offer...I dare ya!

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